"The happiness of married life depends upon making small sacrifices with readiness and cheerfullness."
John Seldon (1584-1654)
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
FEEDBACK
It would be extremely helpful to us -- but moreso to our readers -- to hear from you. Feedback to our blog is vital -- your ideas -- thoughts -- marriage advice or experience you'd be willing to share. And it doesn't have to directly relate to our book. You'd help us...and our audience.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Onions in the Butter Tub
Looking forward to the breakfast in front of me, I sipped at my protein drink and took a bite of honey wheat English muffin. Ugh, what's that taste? Garlic? Yech. I downed it anyway then forgot about it. Until the next morning. I buttered the toasty muffin... What's that chunk? I lean closer. I sniff. Onion. I sniff the tub. Oh great, the whole darn thing is contaminated. Slightly annoyed, Renita the Detective (a personality test actually labeled me a detective) takes action. I sleuth my way to the only other person in the house... Alan. Sure enough, it happened the other evening ... when he was making dinner ... for me. Still annoyed? Not so much.
My son came to mind. Micah loved peanut butter. I mean, he LOVED peanut butter. At Micah's funeral his friend talked about the roommates finding peanut butter in everything. Jam. Mayo. Ice cream. Knowing chuckles could be heard around the chapel. I don't know if peanut butter contamination was ever an annoyance, but it had now become a tender memory.
We all have our pet peeves. Petty peeves, perhaps? Marriage can be full of them. It's not so much that they're there, but how we react to them. Do you find yourself adding yet another to a long list of grievances? Does your blood pressure spike as you seethe in silence? Do you fly into a rage? If you answered yes to any of the above, you can bet the peeves are only symptoms of something much bigger. It might be time to invest in a marriage counselor.
Or maybe it's time to remember that you love this person you're going to spend eternity with. And remember that he's not perfect. And neither are you.
Maybe someday onions in the butter tub will become a tender memory. But for now, I've stashed a fresh tub in a safe place and labeled it "contamination-free zone."
My son came to mind. Micah loved peanut butter. I mean, he LOVED peanut butter. At Micah's funeral his friend talked about the roommates finding peanut butter in everything. Jam. Mayo. Ice cream. Knowing chuckles could be heard around the chapel. I don't know if peanut butter contamination was ever an annoyance, but it had now become a tender memory.
We all have our pet peeves. Petty peeves, perhaps? Marriage can be full of them. It's not so much that they're there, but how we react to them. Do you find yourself adding yet another to a long list of grievances? Does your blood pressure spike as you seethe in silence? Do you fly into a rage? If you answered yes to any of the above, you can bet the peeves are only symptoms of something much bigger. It might be time to invest in a marriage counselor.
Or maybe it's time to remember that you love this person you're going to spend eternity with. And remember that he's not perfect. And neither are you.
Maybe someday onions in the butter tub will become a tender memory. But for now, I've stashed a fresh tub in a safe place and labeled it "contamination-free zone."
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Settled wisdom
"Those marriages generally abound most with love and constancy that are preceded by a long courtship." Joseph Addison
Included in that long courtship should be the airing of concerns discussed in our book, both by the experts and the regular folk, the answers to which will play out during marriage --understanding each other's core values, expectations, strengths and weaknesses -- seeing each other in less-than-perfect situations -- spiritual congruence -- future in-laws -- humor...all of which are vitally important. A long courtship ensures the necessary time and thought to put everything on the table without pressure. If ignored or subverted, too often they find oxygen later on in the marriage to the potential detriment of the relationship. Communication, as we hear infinitum, is crucial, before and during marriage.
Included in that long courtship should be the airing of concerns discussed in our book, both by the experts and the regular folk, the answers to which will play out during marriage --understanding each other's core values, expectations, strengths and weaknesses -- seeing each other in less-than-perfect situations -- spiritual congruence -- future in-laws -- humor...all of which are vitally important. A long courtship ensures the necessary time and thought to put everything on the table without pressure. If ignored or subverted, too often they find oxygen later on in the marriage to the potential detriment of the relationship. Communication, as we hear infinitum, is crucial, before and during marriage.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Wise Counsel
This is a well-known quote with relevance beyond marriage...BUT it sure applies to the relationship you have with your spouse:
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to perceive." Sir Walter Scott
One of the interviewees in our book has said simply: "Never lie to your wife." Good advice...of course it also applies to the husband. There's nothing that complicates a relationship better than lying.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to perceive." Sir Walter Scott
One of the interviewees in our book has said simply: "Never lie to your wife." Good advice...of course it also applies to the husband. There's nothing that complicates a relationship better than lying.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The Color of Character
The first chapter in our book is entitled "The Color of Marriage", an interview with Dr. Taylor Hartman who defines the unique personalities we are each born with -- the four types are given colors (white, red, yellow, blue). Dr. Hartman's purpose in his book, The Color Code, is to help us better understand ourselves and others.
While we are each born with our personalities, it is predominantly character which determines the quality of our lives. He says, "Character is essentially anything we learn to think, feel, or do that is initially unnatural and requires effort to develop." He goes on to list several components essential for character development: free will, selecting positive influences in our lives, and identifying positive life principles.
Continuing, he adds that developing character is a way we can balance our personalties. (Each of the four color types has negative aspects.) "Unless we build character, we remain unfulfilled and limited. Character allows us to most fully enjoy an exciting and productive life."
There may be no greater challenge or opportunity to develop character than within the institution of marriage.
While we are each born with our personalities, it is predominantly character which determines the quality of our lives. He says, "Character is essentially anything we learn to think, feel, or do that is initially unnatural and requires effort to develop." He goes on to list several components essential for character development: free will, selecting positive influences in our lives, and identifying positive life principles.
Continuing, he adds that developing character is a way we can balance our personalties. (Each of the four color types has negative aspects.) "Unless we build character, we remain unfulfilled and limited. Character allows us to most fully enjoy an exciting and productive life."
There may be no greater challenge or opportunity to develop character than within the institution of marriage.
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