My dear mother passed away August 1, 2009 at age 93. She was an incredible lady, full of energy, compassion, curiosity and accomplishment. She spent nearly 50 years in radio in Conn., but I'll remember her mainly for one characteristic...she loved and cared for people. This translated first and foremost to her marriage of 64 years to my late father.
My daughters never forgot as little girls, peeking through the floor vent in my dad's office to the kitchen below where they watched their ageless grandparents waltzing to music. They truly loved and served each other. A primary ingredient: they both shared a wonderful sense of humor. Our home was fun. They were the funniest (and funnest) people I've ever known.
I will always be indebted to the example they set for me: of love and service. My daughter said in her eulogy, "I learned from them, why have a good marriage when you can have a great one?"
Alan
What the pros are saying...
Dr. John Lund, noted interpersonal relationships and communications researcher: "Alan and Renita Cassidy have truly looked behind the mask of a smiling face... Behind the Smiling Faces has only one objective. It is to help you and your loved ones become your highest and best selves."
Paul Brandt, author of Alone But Not Lonely: "Behind the Smiling Faces is a book that is long overdue. Such candor and insight can be a vital transfusion to those who face the challenges of sustaining or ending intimate, committed partnerships. Buy it. Read it. And most importantly, live it!"
Matt Townsend, relationship expert and coach: "A book that needed to be written. For the first time, Church members tell their stories from the inside -- it's powerful stuff."
Paul Brandt, author of Alone But Not Lonely: "Behind the Smiling Faces is a book that is long overdue. Such candor and insight can be a vital transfusion to those who face the challenges of sustaining or ending intimate, committed partnerships. Buy it. Read it. And most importantly, live it!"
Matt Townsend, relationship expert and coach: "A book that needed to be written. For the first time, Church members tell their stories from the inside -- it's powerful stuff."
A Look in the Book...
We have this idealized image that everyone has the perfect marriage except us, but every married couple is dealing with some issue. [Dr. Brent Barlow, chapter 8]
My biggest regret is taking the wrong path. If I had it to do over again I wouldn’t take Justin for granted...I didn’t realize how fragile he was, that he had a breaking point. [Stephanie, 28, divorced, section II]
We like difference. Then we marry the opposite and we’re stupid enough to want to spend our life fixing them to be like us, which would make us and them miserable. [Dr. Taylor Hartman, chapter 1]
Now that the kids are gone and the nest is empty, it is really empty. Enrico doesn’t seem to fill the void that I thought he would. [Maria, married, chapter 21]
Many couples don’t understand the temple marriage commitment. They get caught up in the day-to-day living and this culture that glorifies individual needs and wants and desires and immediate gratification. [Dr. Tom Holman, chapter 2]
The abuse began within a month of getting married. He dragged me out of the apartment by my hair. He locked the door and said, "You can come back in when you stop crying." It was humiliating. [Barbara, former beauty queen, divorced, chapter 29]
A lot of marriages fall apart because there are severe financial problems. I am appalled at the lack of preparation, the lack of thought about what it takes to provide a house, transportation, schooling, food, clothing, for not only themselves, but for their children. [Randy Hudson, chapter 10]
Church can be really painful when you’re first divorced. I used to go to the church where we all went as a family. I used to teach Sunday School there with Renee; it’s where I baptized my children. So it’s all the same except that all your children march in with a new guy and you’re sitting there thinking, There’s something wrong with this picture. [George, divorced, chapter 22]
If women knew the emotional and physical damage caused simply by living in the same home where abuse occurs, they would leave for the same reason they have stayed: for their children’s sake. [Betty McMaster, chapter 7]
Every Sunday I put on my smiley face and we walked into church looking like the perfect family. No one knew the truth. [Gwen, divorced, section II]
They have to control you. Usually, a narcissist in a severe form only has two speeds: control or destroy. [Dr. Suzanne Dastrup, chapter 6]
My mission president used to say that the people who will make it to the terrestrial kingdom are the people who follow all the rules, and the people who will make it to the celestial kingdom are the people who learn to embrace the rules for the love of Christ. [Gary, happily married, chapter 12]
All frustration comes from unmet expectations. Everybody thinks that their expectations are reasonable and realistic and that somebody else has the problem. It's a blind spot for most of us. [Dr. John Lund, chapter 11]
My biggest regret is taking the wrong path. If I had it to do over again I wouldn’t take Justin for granted...I didn’t realize how fragile he was, that he had a breaking point. [Stephanie, 28, divorced, section II]
We like difference. Then we marry the opposite and we’re stupid enough to want to spend our life fixing them to be like us, which would make us and them miserable. [Dr. Taylor Hartman, chapter 1]
Now that the kids are gone and the nest is empty, it is really empty. Enrico doesn’t seem to fill the void that I thought he would. [Maria, married, chapter 21]
Many couples don’t understand the temple marriage commitment. They get caught up in the day-to-day living and this culture that glorifies individual needs and wants and desires and immediate gratification. [Dr. Tom Holman, chapter 2]
The abuse began within a month of getting married. He dragged me out of the apartment by my hair. He locked the door and said, "You can come back in when you stop crying." It was humiliating. [Barbara, former beauty queen, divorced, chapter 29]
A lot of marriages fall apart because there are severe financial problems. I am appalled at the lack of preparation, the lack of thought about what it takes to provide a house, transportation, schooling, food, clothing, for not only themselves, but for their children. [Randy Hudson, chapter 10]
Church can be really painful when you’re first divorced. I used to go to the church where we all went as a family. I used to teach Sunday School there with Renee; it’s where I baptized my children. So it’s all the same except that all your children march in with a new guy and you’re sitting there thinking, There’s something wrong with this picture. [George, divorced, chapter 22]
If women knew the emotional and physical damage caused simply by living in the same home where abuse occurs, they would leave for the same reason they have stayed: for their children’s sake. [Betty McMaster, chapter 7]
Every Sunday I put on my smiley face and we walked into church looking like the perfect family. No one knew the truth. [Gwen, divorced, section II]
They have to control you. Usually, a narcissist in a severe form only has two speeds: control or destroy. [Dr. Suzanne Dastrup, chapter 6]
My mission president used to say that the people who will make it to the terrestrial kingdom are the people who follow all the rules, and the people who will make it to the celestial kingdom are the people who learn to embrace the rules for the love of Christ. [Gary, happily married, chapter 12]
All frustration comes from unmet expectations. Everybody thinks that their expectations are reasonable and realistic and that somebody else has the problem. It's a blind spot for most of us. [Dr. John Lund, chapter 11]
Monday, August 17, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Do you think this would be a good book to give to newly married couples to help them AVOID the pitfalls that could otherwise entangle them? I like to give relationship advice/management books as a wedding gift because a couple seems to be more open to making changes and adjustments in a new relationship that they will be as the relationship ages. I guess it's because there aren't the obstacles of hurt and mistakes yet.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I wouldn't want to SCARE a young couple but helping them move forward with the marriage in a positive way by developing positive, realistic coping mechanisms seems like a great way to go. We got some great early-marriage 'help' from books like this and it made a HUGE difference in the long term quality of our relationship.
Dear Cynthia,
ReplyDeletePlease accept our apology for the delayed response. Life got away from us for awhile. In answer to your question, we absolutely do believe this book can be helpful for newly married couples. We know of a stake president who gives it to engaged couples in his stake as a wedding gift. We believe that couples mature enough for marriage will also be prepared for an honest discussion of the realities of marriage. Thank you for your interest in our book and for posting your question. If there is further feedback, please let us know.
Great book! Even if you aren't in a relationship, read this! The best preparation for marriage is to be the greatest 'you' before you meet that special someone! Who you are in dating affects the spouse you select!
ReplyDelete